self-consciousness takes a hold

     Do you ever have those moments to where someone can say that "oh there's nothing wrong with you. your beautiful the way you are". But you know when you look in the mirror, you see everything that is wrong. Its not just being able to see everything that is wrong, but also having to deal with them emotionally. I know I'm like that and there are probably a lot of other people that are like that as well. emotionally, we keep how we feel from others, listen to "depressing music", and mainly just want to be left alone with these thoughts and feelings. If we, and when I say we I mean the ones that can relate to what I'm talking about, we know that if we were to tell someone about how we are when we're in this stage, majority of people would label us as emo, but we know that's really not the case.

     When we meet someone for the first time or even if its someone that we know all together, they always tell us how beautiful we are or anything on the lines like that. For some of us that have a hard time excepting that all together. It's not like we are not grateful for the compliment from others, we do take it to heart and are happy that someone actually sees us in that way. For us, we know the little things that make us think that we're not beautiful. Think about it, when you get compared to someone else, or someone you may like is attracted to someone that you may feel is so much prettier, or just the fact they like certain way other people may look that they find attractive or beautiful, you know that you would do whatever it takes to look that way. You end up being able to pick out every little thing that you feel is not pretty or makes you beautiful, in other words you pick out the negatives rather than the positives. Yeah, I know that you would say that just be you and you stand out in your own way, well its really difficult to do that when you feel like you have to change you and/or that your competing to get the attention that you are seeking.

     Sometimes, its not the fact that its only physical appearances that get to you, its also the mental and emotional side of it as well. I know for fact that physical way we think is what triggers the way we are mentally and emotionally. Put yourself in front of a mirror for example, if you are able to find more negative things about you rather than the positives, imagine how you would feel mentally and emotionally. Some of you maybe able to get yourself pepped up and not acknowledge that, but again, its not that easy for others to do that. When we get into that mental and emotional stage, it can be a major pain and challenge to get out of. We can also slip into that stage without even realizing it; its something we never do by choice, it just happens randomly. Most of the time its just some random funk we get into or just the fact that we can be in a mellow mood and just let our mind wander into whatever it wants to think about at that time. Like I said, its not something we choose to do for fun, it just happens.

     Now, a lot of the blogs I know I put myself in the situations every now and then just to give examples. With this one I go through all the time and it helps me write whatever comes to mind or how I feel about something. But with this blog, I can fully say, this blog says a lot about me, and for those of you that are reading this and are saying to yourself, "that's me, but how does she know that so well?" that's because I am that type of person as well....just like you this is my story as well.

     I am the self-consciousness type of person where the physical, mental, and emotional type get to me really bad. I never chose to be like this or for it to be as bad as it now but that's just how it is, and when I'm trying to change it, its never easy. Physically, I never really thought that I was attractive at all. I always saw how other girls looked and the attention they received from anyone. I definitely was one of those girls that thought "Do I really have to look this way in order to get noticed?" To act one way was one thing I knew was not the way to get attention, and I knew that dressing in that manner would give off different signals, but dressing on the lines for short and tight fitting clothes, was that really the way to go? I knew that being me was the best thing to be, but the guys I liked we into that kind of look. So I figured, dressing in somewhat of that manner but still make it feel like me would help. Sure it did cause I did get notice by more than the guys I had a crush on, but why have to go through all of that. I was like that with my fiance, when we started talking again he told me how girls with anchor piercings

     As far as my mental and emotional side, for me its actually worse than my physical self-conscious side. My mental mentality can be triggered by just about anything and causes my emotions to spark. Its kind of difficult to really describe what goes on through my mental stage but I can tell you that I mainly get like that whenever my feelings from my physical side come through or when I feel like something is my fault and someone will judge me  by it or as if I am the bad guy and I can never do anything right. It sucks being in those stages cause its never easy to get out of. For me, those feelings last for more than just one day. I can be like that with my fiance sometimes and it sucks cause we can resolve it and be ok, but that feeling is still there and I cant just get rid of it like that on the spot. I end up being very mellow and to myself whether its after something like that or just the fact I'm just really chilled. It gets on my nerves when I'm in that mode and other think I'm mad or depressed about something, or even just because I'm not saying anything. I'm perfectly fine and sometimes I'm not, but just simply asking whats up rather than assuming is much better.

     Well, that's a huge chunk about me that you now know. Of course there will be other blogs like these to where I'll fully tell you about me and what I'm like. My blogs are never a diary, there more of a blogging journal where its meant to be read and to receive feed back.

Sincerely,
La Meah A.N. Battle

animal abuse vs. people in need

        So the latest thought I've been having on my mind lately and that's been getting me awhile to post are these commercials of animal abuse vs people in need. I had a status about that on Facebook a month ago, and I got some decent responses on that. But now it's happening again and i don't think that we really see the big picture here. I would never have someone pick between two important things that mean a lot to them, but I would just rather you see what exactly I'm talking about and if it lead to a poll then so be it.

        In this world today, there are so many animal lovers. Their are the ones that will go out and buy animal souvenirs, or what we all joke around about being the old lady with 10,000,000 cats, and then there are those that will join groups and/or petitions against animal abuse/ cruelty with the famous slogan "Fur is murder". These are the same people in my mind that will jump up in a heart beat when they see these commercials for animal abuse. If I could and if I had the money I would support that all the way. I am myself an animal lover and love cats. I would do anything if i could help them out and give them a good home. But what gets me about the "support and love" for animals that we say we have, why doesn't show when a stray dog or cat crosses our path? Why do we choose to shoo them away, when their harmless? Yes I understand that stray animals carry some kind of sickness on them, and not just that but the fact that they could be vicious, why not call an animal shelter or somewhere that picks up stray animals and knows how to deal with them properly. 

       The most perfect example I can give, I have experienced my self. I had just came home from school and my mom was waiting on me. She told me and my sister to quietly go look in the back yard and see if we saw anything. As I said before I am an animal lover, and to see a beautiful hawk with his wing broken made me sad. My mom had already called some kind of animal control to come see about it. The man that showed up worked at a community park where he worked with wild life animals. The hawks' wing was severely damaged and he had to take it with him. The hawk came back in two weeks since his home was built in our back yard. When we think of hawks, we know them to be very Territorial and will attack if needed. But this hawk was very kind to the point that I was able to pet it. Situations like these, anyone can do anything to help whether you take them to a shelter or hold the animal there until professional help gets there to take the animal.

        We cant help it when it comes to babies and little children,we're suckers for them. Their cute miniature people(this is what I hear most elderly people call them) that will soon be grown up into big people. Then there are the teens and adults, we tell them that they will be the one to make a difference in this world and that they will change how things are running today. With that being said, not enough of those people will help others out. In one situation, the neighbor to your left could have a child that tells you he/she is being abused by their own parents. One day  they come knocking on your door in tears asking for help and you see them covered in bruises and you hear yelling coming from their house, would you help them? Or another situation could be that the neighbor to your right lost his/her home in a fire and the only things they has left are their life, a job, and a car. You know what happened and if he/she was to ask you for help, would you do it? With those situations some people would and probably open their home to them, and for those that don't, well they'll either have some kind of connection or will get someone else to handle the situation. My biggest question of all though: If you were to witness a commercial for St. Jude's children's hospital or to send money to kids and families in other countries that need help, would you help? If you were to see a family or just someone that lives on the street with nothing at all but the clothes on their back and they only ask your for a little bit of money to get some food or just to help them out in general, would you help them?

        I think some people will help out kids in need just because their kids, but if it was an homeless man or women, it would be very rare that they will help. Do you ever take a min and think about what their going through; how they could be suffering everyday; and if you were in their shoes how it feels to get more rejections than offers in one day? If you think about it, we're all selfish people. Yes I know that we all know that humans are animals too, but if your willing to put money towards an animal rather than a human-being, then to me you don't have a heart, or at least only have half of one. That's like putting a man in need, a child in need, and an animal in need who would you help first? Who would honestly be the first one in your mind to help? Some might say either the child or the animal but if you we're to choose between those two, who would you pick? For the man, we can say that he can just go to McDonald's and ask for a job. What makes you think that it would be any easier for a homeless man that has lost everything, whether he has or hasn't finished school, and doesn't know his own SSN or people to refer to just to get a job. This person could probably just want money to go get medical attention and yet we get on their case about getting a job when we wont help first.

        When your watching TV during the day, how many times will you see a commercial for animal cruelty? How many times would you see that same commercial after 12am? You would have seen that commercial so many times that you may have memorized the advertisement its self or the fact that you could have a conversation about that with someone else. Now, same question again but this time the commercial is for helping a child or someone in general, how many times do you see that during the day? How many times would you see it after 12am? Just from what I've seen, a commercial for helping a person is not shown as often during the day rather than a commercial for helping animals would be. After 12am they would weigh in just about the same but of course the animal commercials would advertise more in a 24hr time period when you fully think about it. Is it sad, depressing, completely wrong, yea it's all of those thoughts plus more to me. But of course, these are just my thoughts and feelings on these topics...tell me what yours are?

Sincerely,

La Meah A.N. Battle